3. Earthside: Bailey’s Story
Oh, Miss Bailey. Our beautiful, sweet Rainbow Baby brought a renewed sense of hope and joy to our family after a devastating miscarriage and six months of trying to conceive our sweet little ray of hope. This is the story of Miss Bailey Renee. Our Rainbow after the Storm.
Miss Bailey's estimated due date was September 1, 2013. So many bets were going around on whether or not family and friends thought she would make it all the way to September or not! All day on August 25, 2013, at exactly 39 weeks pregnant I was experiencing radiating back, hip, pelvic, and groin pain that came and went; though, I didn't time them as I was pretty certain they didn't mean anything. Around the evening, they had fizzled out just as I had suspected.
I was taking Evening Primrose Oil (EPO) to help ripen my cervix and prepare my body for the marathon of labor and delivery that was imminent. That night as I inserted the EPO, I took note that my discharge was quite a bit more watery than usual. I was also fighting a cold, so I took Benedryl for my runny nose, and watering eyes and had high hopes that it would help me actually SLEEP! Of course, no such luck. I was up all night blowing my nose, wiping my eyes, tossing and turning, getting up to pee, tossing and turning some more, laying there staring off into the dark abyss that is night, *sigh*, then tossing and turning some more. Around 3 am I woke up to some pelvic pain and pressure but noticed that this time, it was coming and going every few minutes. Around 7:30 am I decided I had enough and jumped into the shower to practice my relaxation techniques and have hope that the steam would help relieve some sinus pressure. But, while in the shower, the pain and pressure started to get more intense and despite my efforts, it did not subside with position changes.
With everything happening, I chose to alert my boss as well as send over my spreadsheet for what I had been working on and alert my doula. I figured if I didn't do all of that, I would definitely go into active labor; but since I had, I was, once again, betting on these "contractions" or whatever they were, to fizzle out and Miss Bailey stay warm and cozy wombside for quite awhile more.
After I alerted Ben, he went into crazy daddy mode and decided we all needed to load up and work on tree stands before Miss Bailey made her grand entrance. So, we loaded up in the ole 1 ton Duramax heading towards the in-laws and rode around in the Mule out in the woods. This was anything but peaceful... The bumpy ride sent me into strong, vice-grip contractions to the point where sitting was no longer an option. I was growing weary and tiresome. Once we finally arrived back at the house, the in-laws had arrived home. With each contraction, I had to walk away to a quiet, secluded corner of the property to breathe, sway, and rock through each one. I told Ben it was time to go home and we kissed our baby boy goodbye. With the incredible emotion of not seeing him again until after this baby vacated my uterus, we left for home.
I wasn't really timing them but the few times I did check the clock at the beginning of one, they were sporadic between 4 to 10 minutes apart lasting maybe 45 seconds apiece. They were getting more intense as the day wore on. I had to breathe, sway, squat, walk, sit on the birth ball, and really focus through each contraction. I was cleaning out with each trip to the bathroom and noticing blood-tinged mucus when I wiped. A cervical check to myself proved some cervical change as I could actually reach my cervix earlier in the morning and around 2 pm, I was no longer able to reach my cervix on my own.
At that point, my doula headed her way to our home as she didn't feel it was a false alarm and with her being an hour away, she felt more comfortable making her way to us. I continued cleaning and doing oddball things around the house to keep my mind occupied as well as taking small walks around the horse arena using the fences as support with each contraction.
Finally, around 4 pm, 13 hours into labor, our doula arrived! Shortly before she arrived, I lost a huge glob of mucus plug with bloody show! Our doula got us right to work walking, bouncing on the birth ball, resting with Hypnobabies playing, and keeping up on nutrition and hydration. Around 7 pm I was just exhausted and finally tried the shower. I squatted, swayed, rocked, leaned against the birth ball. This labor was slow going and I was beginning to lose my patience with it. I kept losing chunks of mucus plug with blood show. I kept having intense contractions that required a ton of focus and strength to get through. But they just wouldn't find themselves in a "textbook" pattern. They were all over the place with all kinds of lengths, the only thing they seemed to do was grow more and more intense.
So, just before 11 pm, our doula went home to catch a break while Ben laid on the couch to nap and I attempted to rest, and continue to labor. I was frustrated. I was spent. I cried after contractions. I tried to listen to my Hypnobabies but eventually, I just became so irritated that I found myself chucking my iPod across the room in a raging fiery. So, I called it quits and began cleaning up the house, eating some light snacks and just bearing through each grueling contraction.
But, half past one in the morning, I couldn't take it any longer. I called our doula and told her it was time to head to the hospital and see what was going on. Almost 24 hours into labor, I began throwing up everything I had. Ben rubbed my back, held my hair back, and helped me moan through each contraction that was now strictly in my back. At that point I was hoping that I was nearing the end and that by the time we made it to the hospital, I would be ready to push this baby out of me.
The time was 3:15 in the morning on August 26, 2013. Officially 24 hours into labor with insanely intense contractions. The drive to the hospital wasn't terrible and the walk to the Birth Center was bearable. Once in triage and in a hospital gown, I was checked. 1-2 centimeters dilated and 60% effaced. I could have vomited right on the nurse's face. I could have kicked her. I wanted to rip that baby right out of me all on my own at that point. But, I cried. 24 hours of labor for THAT?! Are you kidding me? Then, all the fears, all the self-doubt, and all the negative thoughts about my body being broken; came flooding down upon me. Once again, my body would fail me and I'm going to end up in a cesarean after all.
But, I mustered up enough strength to demand I be allowed to walk the halls. So we did. And, we walked. and walked... and walked... and walked. After two hours, the nurse suggested I get monitored again and have another cervical check. No change. How encouraging. Huh, once again, just under three years later, I'm hearing those dreaded words again... "No change." Awesome. At this point, I wasn't sure which route I wanted to take. Should I demand to go home? Should I walk some more? Should I demand a labor tub even though it's against their policy to allow VBAC patients in the tubs? Should I use the shower?
I chose the shower. It was lukewarm. So, without a doubt, that irritated me. I had no calming music, no dim lights... I was without hope of regaining any sense of calmness. I tried all kinds of positions. Sit down on the shower stool. Lean against the shower stool. Squat with the shower stool. Lean against the wall. The contractions intensified. My screams rattled off those bathroom walls. I needed my support people. But I couldn't vocalize what I needed and so I labored, alone in the shower with Ben falling asleep sitting on the toilet. I cried. And, I cried. and I cried some more... I was moaning and screaming so loud with each roaring contraction that I just couldn't get it together anymore.
After at least an hour in the shower, I was too irritated to remain there, so I got out, dried off, and got dressed again. I was brought back to the triage room and checked again. 1 to 2 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced, still at a 0 station. I was done. Absolutely done. I was frustrated, discouraged, DONE.
My doctor visited me around 8 am and talked to me about some options. He gave me the option of breaking my water and admitting me right then and there or sending me home with Tylenol 3. I chose the second option. I was discharged, wheeled down to the lobby and we made that silent, discouraged drive all the way back home. I was convinced that my body hated me and that I was never going to experience a vaginal birth, or a natural birth, for that matter. Once we arrived home I took the T3, drank some Gatorade, and attempted to sleep in-between these long, grueling, horribly intense contractions.
At 9:53 am. A contraction with great intensity woke me up and as soon as the contraction let off, Bailey moved frantically. Pop and a warm gush. "Babe! My water just broke!" Ben grabbed some towels from the bathroom and helped me waddle from the couch to the bathroom with towels packed between my legs. Fluid looked good, I changed my clothes and proceeded to call our doula and my grandma. Around 11 am my contractions became so much more intense than I was ever prepared for. I begged for Ben to take me back to the hospital, I was not prepared to have this baby at home. That truck ride was the most excruciating ride I've ever experienced. The difference in the intensity of my contractions was eye-opening. I was suddenly educated on what true active labor felt like and it made me realize that I was just handling early labor poorly because I wasn't sure what to expect from it.
As soon as we arrived at the hospital, the valet came out with a wheelchair but just the thought of moving from the truck to the wheelchair would make a contraction come on so strong it would stop me in my tracks and completely take my breath away. Finally, I hurled myself from the truck down into the wheelchair with one steady motion, and up to Labor & Delivery we went. I remember them opening the door to Labor & Delivery and asking me how I was doing. With a breathless voice I mustered out, "My water broke..." and in that moment another nurse came around the corner and mentioned they had a room ready and waiting for me.
Once we were all settled into our room they started the IV and once again, they blew my vein. Putting in that IV was excruciating, almost worse than the contractions themselves. Once the dreaded IV was placed I consented to a cervical check and was found to be 3 to 4 centimeters, 100% effaced, and baby was SUPER low! PROGRESS! I was happy to hear progress, especially hearing that I was about 4 centimeters and 100% effaced because I couldn't seem to get dilated past 3 centimeters or 80% effaced with Bentley. But, deep in my mind I was still doubtful I could go all the way to complete and pushing... I pushed that thought out of my mind and tried focusing on the progress I had made.
After my cervical check, they gave me a shot of Stadol to take the edge off. This helped me relax and rest in-between contractions which helped bring up my energy levels but it took away not even a single ounce of the pain. With each contraction, all I could do was moan loudly and vocalize the best I could. My doula hadn't arrived yet so I was feeling pretty helpless at that point. Ben would rub my back and hips the best he could to try and help the pain be as bearable as possible. Around 2 pm I was asked to get up and empty my bladder and try to walk around. But walking was unbearable and almost impossible. I immediately started shaking uncontrollably. Once back to my bed, I consented to another cervical check where I was found to be 5 to 6 centimeters and the baby had come down even lower. Ben just kept rubbing my hips and back with each contraction and the most movement I could muster was flipping side to side in between contractions, grasping the bedrails as hard as I could, and vocalizing very loudly.
Our doula and our photographer still hadn't arrived and I broke down. I needed the support and I knew Ben didn't have our camera so I was worried about pictures being taken. But, as quickly as that worry came on, it faded away with another intense contraction. Around 3:45p another nurse checked me and found I was now dilated to 8 centimeters. I remember how shocked I was and for the first time I finally had zero doubts that my body wasn't a failure! It could birth a baby on its own! The contractions were so strong and I was screaming through each one. The nurse walked out of the room and almost instantly my body started involuntarily pushing. I told Ben to call the nurses back but he argued with me, "You're only 8 centimeters, don't push!" But I was adamant that I was complete and I demanded he call the nurses back that instant.
After what seemed like hours, the nurses arrived back into our room and mentioned that they wouldn't be surprised if I was truly complete and ready to have a baby! Sure enough, I was complete! The nurse asked me to do a few "practice" pushes while I was lying on my right side. After two pushes, the nurse frantically said, "Call for Dr. L for delivery!" Just then the intensity and chaos in the room increased to an overwhelming level and all I could do was surrender to my body and its needs. I pushed with each urge and felt her moving down with each push. Ben continued rubbing my back, but now it was in an urgent and anxious manner.
After pushing on my side a few times, I finally rolled onto my back in an attempt to get to my left side, but I got stuck! The pushing urge was so intense that I couldn't do anything but surrender. Ben kept pushing my sweaty hair out of my face and reassuring me that I was doing a spectacular job. Pushing felt so relieving but so painful at the same time, it was the strangest sensation I had ever felt in my entire life. Dr. L asked if I would like an episiotomy but Ben quickly jumped to my rescue reminding everyone of my birth plan wishes. I did tear but it was very minor and I did not tear into my perineum. Dr. L proceeded to stretch me manually and did not grant my request for him to get his hands the FUCK out of me. I was furious at this point and started to feel her crowning. I pushed with fury and agenda. I pushed through every slicing sensation of tearing. I wanted her out. Then, her head sort of "popped" out and with another very small push, her entire body slid right out with little effort!
"SON OF A BITCH!" escaped my mouth quicker than I could put a filter on it! I finally opened my eyes and there she was. "I can't believe I just did that! I cannot believe she's here! Holy crap! I did it! I really did it!" Our rainbow baby girl was finally here! After all the stress, worry, and anxiety; here she was. Beautiful, healthy and so very perfect!
We did skin-to-skin for nearly two hours, she latched like a champ, and once the placenta was born I asked to look at it. How fascinated I was with her cord and placenta. The very thing that kept her alive and thriving wombside. I gave the permission to go ahead and disconnect our precious baby from her placenta, so Daddy did the honors! What an emotional moment that was! I had minor tearing so Dr. L finished up the stitching and sat down on the couch for a quick break while I continued breastfeeding and admiring this precious, sweet little baby in my arms!
Once her weight and length were taken, I got up with our sweet little girl to assist her during her newborn checkup. To get up soon after delivery was such an outstanding feeling! I felt so painless and on cloud nine! After her newborn exam, Ben took her for some daddy-daughter snuggles while I showered!
Miss Bailey's birth was so incredibly healing. Ben and I worked so harmoniously together to bring our beautiful rainbow baby so full of hope, love, and wonder. I couldn't have been happier in that moment!
Bailey Renee
August 26, 2013 at 4:16pm
7lbs 2oz & 18.5”
Stay Wild & Free,
-Brandy
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